Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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