Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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