Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
