Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
