So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
