Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
