??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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