You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
