so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
