dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
