when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
