I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
