Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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