i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is Oprah even human
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
