i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just tell him i said nine months
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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