Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
