He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
