i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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