There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
