so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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