I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
where are you?
Hypothermia
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
