I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
