Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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