I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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