when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
