Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
