im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
