barbara walters just said penis...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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