The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
