I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
