No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
