Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
