you turned your livingroom into a bong?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
