i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
