Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
