I am full of burrito and curiosity
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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