This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
