My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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