Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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