i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
