I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
