Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
