Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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