Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
