i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
