I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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