If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
