I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
