I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
