Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
