When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I need to stop coming to work sober
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
we're so committed to being not committed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
