No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
