this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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