she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
