It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
